Fighting to Be a Father

Fighting to Be a Father

I could have been like many fathers and not fought to stay close to my children after a terrible divorce, but I refused to let go of the relationship that I had with my three children. After my wife and I separated, over a year before our divorce, she moved 265 miles away, her desire was to kill the relationship that I had with our children and to be close to her family. It was the worst years of my life but it would give way to one of the greatest miracles that I have ever witnessed.

Going the Extra Miles

The relationship that I had with our three children was strained to say the least after the separation. Every phone call to the children was monitored by my ex-wife or her boyfriend and sometimes both. Every visitation was accompanied by a two to three-hour fight with my ex-wife just to be able to get my children for a weekend once every three weeks. I had no rights; no privileges and I was not allowed to have the children for holidays except New Years. I was not allowed spring breaks and I had one week in the summer with the children. I paid my child support as deemed by the court. My ex-wife even went so far as to tell the children, “I wish your father would just go away and leave us alone.” Traveling to another city and staying in a motel for a weekend visitation was miserable, to say the least. My financial situation was not good but still, I spent almost two weeks pay on a given visitation weekend to be with my children.

I took my wife to court to get my visitation rights upheld but to no avail. It was then my attorney told me to go for custody of the children. I could not prove my wife an unfit mother and I could not prove that I was a better parent to raise our children. The process proved to be time-consuming, monetarily costly and agitating but I believe God had a hand in that as well as the big picture of what was to happen.

Before the Mercy Seat

I prayed night and day and I spent most of my nights on my face before God, asking Him for mercy in the matter of this custody battle. Three things worked in my favor; one, that I believe in prayer, two that I kept impeccable records of phone calls, visitations and anything that I thought would be of interest to my attorney and the judge, and three, that I was relentless in staying in contact with the children by phone calls and visitations.

Do to Others, As You Would Have Them Do to You

In less than two years, God created a miracle that seemed impossible to my family, my church family and most of my friends, I was given custody of my children by my ex-wife, not the court system. Most honorably after this took place, I gave my ex-wife all the rights and privileges that I wanted when she had the children and I kept my part of the bargain until the children graduated from High School, even meeting her halfway to where she lived so the trips would be more bearable.

I only wish I could describe the miracle process in length, but that would belabor this article.

Don’t Lose Hope

I, like the writer of the original article; “Where Have All the Fathers Gone“, have heard my share of stories of fathers that just gave up. What a sad situation to allow another person to sever the bond between a child and its father.

Where Have All the Fathers Gone?


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6 Replies on

Fighting to Be a Father

  • In life the fight to be a father is real. Having to deal with the hardship of a felony on your record and having kids can set you back in life. We talk about second chances but as i see it you don’t get a second chance but only the headache of not being able to provide a steady life for yourself and having kids. There is no book on doing this but learning thru life lessons on how to achieve this. One thing i have learned over the years that money can’t buy is to call and stay in contact with your kids them hearing your voice daily and you often just telling them you love them and trying to do what you can to support them and will always fight for them is very important. many men have this fight and i want you to know just fighting for them will always keep you in their hearts and mind.

  • Oh! I am so happy that you shared this! Not enough men maintain their fight. I actually know of a couple young fellows that are just beginning to fight their battles. I pray they find Jesus along the way. As for myself, I also went through an excruciating SEVEN years fighting for visitation and ultimate custody of my oldest daughter. And just like in your case, my ex handed my girl over to me before the courts could declare anything farther. Persistence definitely pays off. And constantly petitioning our Lord. You wonder WHY he had her to begin with? I had agreed to let him take custody for a year because I was struggling along with my daughter. She saw daddy and his new stay-at-home wife as her perfect family. I wanted her to be happy. Talk about backfire! Praise God and Gory Hallelujah, He heard my prayers, gathered my tears, and joy came in that morning :D

    1. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. God Bless

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